It has been close to a year since I last wrote on here. A lot has changed. I have changed. But I don’t remember deciding to stop writing. I know I pulled my computer to me on several occasions. But what I poured into the page didn’t seem right. Maybe I should’ve posted it anyways. There was some good stuff on there and maybe you would’ve liked it. But that’s behind us. And I’ve got things on my mind today.
Today, I’m thinking of how I used to sit with myself. Or walk with myself on that one trail back in Guelph. I’ve done that since but I feel like there’s been very few such days. I remember those moments. I saw the same path dry, muddy, snowed in and slippery. And as I walked through the woods, so much would come up inside me. Conversations, school work, thing’s I’d put off, how I hadn’t called someone back. But for the most part, it was the disconnect of it all. Even though I saw others on those paths, I thought of them as mine. Mine to escape to. Sometimes I went on a walk when I didn’t want to study or work on a project. Other times just listening to an audiobook. It was one of my most cherished experiences. And I miss it.
In the days since I’ve last written, much has been a blur. I don’t mean that negatively. You know when you start doing something and it’s sunny outside and after a while you look up and it’s dark and hours have passed. It’s like that, really. Only for me, it’s looking inward. And weeks or months have passed. Like I skipped time just living it but not thinking about it. I think it’s because my life is more full than it once used to be. I have loved ones I live more closely with than I did throughout university. I have a full-time job. And the little time I have in my evenings, I’ve spent looking outwards not inwards. I don’t regret it. I did the best I could.
In the last year, I’ve met many new people and had new and interesting social interactions. And I’m happy to say that for the most part, they haven’t been difficult. I attended a few weddings which were perhaps the most eye-opening social experiences. I’ve never been one for dressing up or making small-talk and I’m glad to say I only had to do the former. Conversations happen whether or not you struggle to participate and when I heard something I was interested in, I jumped right in. But my favourite moment had to be at a wedding in a greenhouse, where my partner and I just walked amongst the plants outdoors. It was a hot summer day and we spent a long time out there talking horticulture. It seems ridiculous to me just how much she knows about plants but then again, I could quote all the Harry Potter movies so who am I to talk.
There’s much else that’s happened but I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead before I decide this last half hour’s work isn’t “right” and end up adding it to my drafts.
I hope to write more soon.
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